THE SQUARE ROOT OF TEXAS: The First Calamity of QED Morningwood by Rob Witherspoon

Genre: Satire / Humor / Absurdist Fiction
Publisher: Independently Published
Date of Publication: September 26, 2018
Number of Pages: 181 pages

My husband gives this book 5 stars.  Technically he did not read it but had more of an Audible experience (meaning I read him a lot of it).  We spent an afternoon at an Outsin (you’ll just have to read the book to figure that out) Brewery. He with beer, me with coke and shared this book – OK he really didn’t have a choice because I kept laughing out loud and he is just as curious a person as I am.

The author (Ishmael) had me with the Disclaimers and footnotes. Then when he explained why there would be no Chapters, I was fully in.  He does provide ample opportunities for bathroom, chore  or exercise breaks and tells you exactly when you should do each.

The story centers around Kid – there is one in every town.  The richest family’s offspring (or not) who is full of bravado, so much so that even he had trouble keeping track of the tall tales he tells.  Kid claims he is in the shadow NRA and carrying around a large crate with Russian markings he soon has the attention of not only the town but several other savory and unsavory groups.

You name it – it’s in here.  We have good ole’ boys with tons of Texanisms, FBI, Russians, kilts, bouncy houses and even/maybe sword fights!

Don’t worry, names are changed to protect the innocent unless they are outside of Texas – but as the author so clearly points out, why would you want to go outside of Texas?

This book is the perfect gift for anyone with a sense of humor, all Texans and even us Damn Yankees (1).

(1) – Defined as a Yankee who moved to Texas and stayed.  Currently working on 32 years and hoping to get my Texas citizenship in only 18 more years!

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QED Morningwood is a liar, braggart and teller of tall tales. When he shows up at the domino parlor with a mysterious Russian crate in the back of his pick-up truck, he confides to the players he is a ‘Shadow’ member of the NRA, not on their official membership roll, and has a load of rocket propelled grenades – all lies. The news spreads to the real Shadow NRA, the FBI and Homeland Security. Meanwhile, the Russian Ministry of Cultural Preservation sends an agent to retrieve the crate, the actual contents known only to the Russians.

The Russian agent, an FBI team, a DHS undercover agent and a Shadow NRA hit team arrive in Heelstring, Texas looking for QED and his crate. Their convergence is followed by interrogations, seduction, lies, arrests, jailbreak, kidnapping and rescue – along with car chases and explosions. If not for Cotton Widdershins, an ancient black man with secrets of his own, who acts as QED’s mentor and savior, the Morningwood line would be doomed to end, or at best spend life in a federal penitentiary.





Rob Witherspoon was born and raised in rural Texas. He earned a BA in Physical Education, UT Arlington 1985 and a BS in Aerospace Engineering, UT Arlington 1990. He worked in the aerospace industry for 30 years before retiring in 2018. He lives in north central Texas with his wife and youngest daughter and has spent much of his life in rural communities and on the ranch. He combines his love for Texas, lying, the outdoors, engineering, and his children in his writing.



Signed Copies of The Square Root of Texas and Deus Tex Machina
2ND PRIZE (US only): Signed Copy of The Square Root of Texas
3RD PRIZE (US Only): Kindle Copy of The Square Root of Texas
Giveaway ends midnight, CST, 11/20/2020

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or visit the blogs directly:
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11/18/2020 Review Reading by Moonlight
11/19/2020 Review Bibliotica
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